so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
