If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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