You really coming over, don't trick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
