I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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