Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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