Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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