I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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