why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
