dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
