I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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