if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it wasn't lemon gatorade
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
