dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
