he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
