I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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