Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
