from now on my penis is your penis
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
