Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
