i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
