Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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