i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
