I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
