Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize