1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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