my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
