fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
