I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
not ubering you a puppy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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