My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
