i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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