GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
