sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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