Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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