I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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