we're chasing vodka with high fives
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
