I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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