Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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