dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize