well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
