so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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