Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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