Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i think my cat just said my name.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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