he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
