i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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