May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
