Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
