he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
