I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
