i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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