ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
