you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
