It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize