you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How external is "for external use only"?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
