im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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