apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
