dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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