a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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