First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
