i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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