and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
