It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
