and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
