You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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