It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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