I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
