i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize