Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
