five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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