I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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