don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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