i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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