Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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