Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
